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Swimmer Jessica Long has no shortage of accomplishments, including 29 Paralympic medals and a string of world championships and records. But at the start of the 2024 Summer Paralympics, perhaps what’s most notable about her upcoming performance is her attitude about it.
Long, who experienced amputation of both legs beneath the knees as a toddler, has experienced a life of unconditional determination and triumph according to outward markers. But it wasn’t until recently that she started to experience self-acceptance.
In her debut book, which publishes on October 1, Long explores what it’s like to consider herself beyond her role as an athlete. “I had merged who I was with this one thing,” she wrote. “It took me a long time to let go of the idea that my identity was in swimming.”
Throughout the book, Long explores her life through a different lens, one in which she asks whether her personality was not, in fact, a response to her early childhood. Although she doesn’t consider herself a victim to circumstances, she shares psychological concepts related to overcompensating and overidentifying with circumstances. Throughout the book, Long touches on reframes she’s made around perspectives and situations in her life, insights from her therapist, and lessons from the work of trauma researcher and psychiatrist Bessel van der Kolk, a pioneer in the science of emotions being held in the physical body.
Essentially, Long offers a cheat sheet for how to navigate that tricky space between knowing you need to accept yourself for who you are and understanding how to start doing that. It’s essentially the sort 0f self-awareness applicable to anyone who’s human. If you’re thinking this sounds a lot like yoga, you’re not wrong. (And yes, Long practices yoga.) Following are some of the insights she shares in Beyond the Surface: A Gold Medalist’s Guide to Finding and Loving Yourself. —Renee Marie Schettler
I believe we can all identify with having struggled with our sense of value and worth at some point in our lives. So many of us spend years trying to be the people we think our families, friends, coworkers, and society think we should be. If we dress a certain way, then we’ll fit in. If we just follow the rules, then we’ll be accepted. If we have the right job, then we’ll be successful. We spend so much time comparing ourselves to others, folding ourselves into boxes, and feeling ashamed of the very things that are our inherent gifts that we completely lose sight of how much we have to offer others and the world.
True self-acceptance lies in embracing every aspect of who you are, including your flaws and imperfections, and recognizing that they’re integral parts of your unique identity and humanity. Self-acceptance is a process—it certainly doesn’t happen overnight—but we can find our way back to ourselves and what we stand for. When we step away from all of the external noise and reclaim who we are and who we want to be in this world, we have no limits.
5 Life Lessons From a Paralympic Medalist
1. You Get What You Expect
I’ve found that people notice when I view myself positively, carrying myself with confidence, and will reflect that back to me. Instead of getting the looks of disgust or disapproval that I once expected to see, I now see support from those around me.
Some of that is I’m now looking for the positive, so I’m seeing more positive responses. But a lot of it is that people will respond to our energy, and they’re taking their cues from us when it’s a new experience or interaction, as it is for most people when they see me with my prosthetic legs. How we respond to our own experiences and challenges inspires how others respond to us.
2. Finding Your Why
If you’ve ever heard me give a speech, you may have heard me mention finding your why. My why went from feeling the need to constantly prove my worth to needing to be the best at everything, and then shifted to giving back to the sport of swimming, which had given so much to me. My why finally evolved to becoming an advocate for others and using my platform to give a voice to people who’ve struggled with any of the things I have. My why went from being external, reaching for accolades in order to feel a sense of value, purpose, and self-worth, to internally working on my own emotional handicaps so I could find the strength to invest in my true purpose continuing to grow as a human being, so I can fight to advocate for others.
3. Being Brave is Contagious
We never know whom we’re impacting simply by owning our own story—even when you step out nervous, unsure, intimidated, and different. You never know who’s watching and learning from your journey. We’ve all heard that “kindness is courageous,” and that’s so true. But guess what? Bravery is contagious, too.
When you have the courage to be bold and do the thing that scares you most. You never know whom your moments of bravery will impact.
4. The Value of Community
I took a hot yoga class once after I hadn’t been in a class for a long time, so I was struggling with some of the positions as I adjusted the movements to what I could do on my knees. I’m so used to adapting, and it usually doesn’t bother me, but that day it did. At the end of the class, the instructor said to me in total amazement, “You just adapted to everything! I’m so impressed!”
And I thought, “Well, what was I going to do? I’ve been adapting my whole life. You think an hour-long yoga class is going to stop me now?”
Afterward, I called up my friend, Julia, who is also an amputee, and told her about hot yoga and how that day was just one of those days where I was frustrated and didn’t want to deal with being different. She responded, “Oh, I know, right? Those happen to me, too!” And we ended that call laughing together.
It’s the little things—like venting about a problem that’s unique to a community and knowing the other person can completely relate—that make us each feel seen and understood. Whether we realize it or not, we all seek out our own communities in this way—those who understand us and where we are in this season of our lives or struggles. We weren’t designed to be alone; we all need community and connection.
Community is not just your neighborhood or who sits around you at work. It is the people you choose to place around yourself in your life. It’s the people who love all the different sides of you, and the people who truly understand what you’ve been through or are going through. Sometimes a “me too” is all we need to feel understood or okay again.
5. Not Hiding Your True Self
The thing is, in order to be fully known and understood for who we are, we have to show up fully as we are. When we see others like us and have that representation, it gives us the courage to say, “If she can do it, I can do it.” There is validation in representation that says, “I’m not alone.”
And once you start embracing your differences and showing up as your true self, you can start attracting the people who love and choose you for who you are. That’s how you find your community. People can’t connect with you if you’re hiding.
Adapted from Beyond the Surface: A Gold Medalist’s Guide to Finding and Loving Yourself by Jessica Long (October 2024.) Reprinted with permission from the publisher, Sounds True.
