MQ Ambassador Flo Sharman who is also a content copywriter, mental health advocate and public speaker, chatted to us to share her experience of mental health conditions and why she became interested in MQ Mental Health Research.
Flo, thank you so much for chatting with us. Firstly, what are your interests?
My passion in life and in many ways my saviour towards my mental illnesses is equestrianism in particular eventing and racing. I have been lucky to have my own horses for many years and my darling Fergi is my world and has saved me from my mental illnesses and has been my driving force to keep going on the hardest days.
I also adore fitness, and this once again has been a key tool in my lifelong recovery of my four mental illnesses.
The great outdoors plays a big part in my life, and I love being out in the countryside and I’m very lucky to live in the Cotswolds, minutes from miles of open fields. The great outdoors does wonders for my mental wellbeing and has been one of my great escapes over the years.
What are your favourite things about being alive?
Meeting a variety of people and making lifelong memories and hopefully in some small way enriching people’s lives and making a difference to those around me. Having the ability to enjoy the beauty that this world has to offer and have an array of connections with special animals.
Could you tell us your diagnosed mental illnesses?
I was diagnosed at the tender age of just 8 and ½ yrs. old with not just one but four mental illnesses those being PTSD, OCD, panic attacks and depression.
Could you please give a summary of your lived experience?
My mental illness journey began with a mental breakdown at 8yrs old, it started one evening with physical symptoms that changed my life forever. Within a short 3 months from those first physical symptoms of blindness, paralyzed, headache and many other symptoms I became completely housebound, suicidal, excluded from my primary school and nearly sectioned at a Tier 4 clinic.
I was then labelled with 4 mental illnesses within a year of that first attack which showed itself in those terrifying symptoms that many thought would just be a one-off attack and I would go back to being the outgoing happy go lucky young girl who loved adventures and living life to the full. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case in fact the complete opposite!
Not only am I diagnosed with four mental illnesses that I battle with daily I also deal with four invisible physical illnesses and this just shows never judge what you see because often the difficult things are completely invisible, so many people are so surprised when I tell them all I deal with and often get but you look so well!
How has your experience of your illnesses changed over the years?
I lost my childhood due to my mental illnesses and it’s taken many ups and downs, medication, therapy and my mental illness toolbox to get to where I am today.
My mental illnesses have not disappeared I now know that I will always have those labels, but they don’t define me they are just one small part of the jigsaw that makes me who I am.
I face challenges daily and my OCD is always a battle and so is my PTSD and I know they will always be with me but I live a life I love and can deal with but there is always challenges.
What do you understand about the causes of your condition?
For so many years nobody knew what triggered my mental breakdown at the beginning and it took many years for us to discover that my mental breakdown and my mental illnesses all link back to me having lifesaving surgery at just 5 months old and having many traumatic events in hospital at such a young age. I was 16 before we discovered this and the reason is due to the lack of research towards mental illnesses and that is my driving force of me wanting to share my story and spread the word on the vital impact mental illness research can have on generations to come.
What do people say when you tell them about your conditions?
Often when I tell people that I suffer from PTSD they are surprised due to so many thinking only those who are in the services or who have been involved in serious trauma incident can be diagnosed with PTSD and in all honesty, I was one of those people when I was first diagnosed. I now totally understand the real meaning of PTSD and those that can suffer from it. It is one of my most challenging mental illnesses I deal with and comes in so many forms and hits you at any moment.
I have always been a keen learner and like having a good understanding of my conditions I deal with and at the beginning I found it very frustrating and difficult to not know why I’ve been dealt the card of dealing with 4 mental illnesses at such a young age, but it’s certainly helped me knowing the real cause of my mental illnesses and that life changing mental breakdown.
It shows though how key research is and it really can be life changing, I can’t turn back the clock and get my childhood back, but I can help fund research and awareness that I know can be such a positive impact in those suffering with mental illness.
What misconception are you most annoyed by about your illness and mental illness in general?
There is so much misconception surrounding mental illnesses and for me I think there are three key things:
- how people think because you look so well on the outside everything must be fine. That isn’t the case at all and often invisible illnesses mental or physical illnesses our the most difficult to deal with.
- For me I have PTSD and people are so surprised when I tell them that because so many people even to this day believe that only those who are in the military or in public service jobs or been involved in a serious traumatic event can have PTSD. That isn’t the case and it is one of the things that I thrive to make people understand how awful PTSD is but also how so many different people can suffer from it and lastly I think people thinking you are so called recovered from your mental illnesses they don’t disappear they don’t go away I still have the labels I still have mental illness; I can’t turn a light switch off and their disappeared. Recovery is lifelong.
- So many people think that you can pop a pill, have some therapy and everything is cured and your fully recovered from mental illness. I’m afraid to say its not as easy and black and white as that and its paramount that society understand that everyone’s journey is unique and mental illness is different for everyone; even those who are diagnosed with the same mental illness its key that everyone is treated individually.
What Stigma Have You Faced?
I have faced a lot of stigma. I think anyone who has mental illness will have suffered stigma at some point it’s such a sad statement say but I think it’s so true.
For me the biggest stigma battle I faced was me losing my childhood due to my mental illnesses due to being excluded from my primary school because I was the 8-year-old girl in a mental health crisis labelled with four mental illnesses. I was told by teachers that I couldn’t be at school anymore and I remember the day that my mother was brought into the head teachers office to say “Florence can’t be here anymore she’s being excluded from the school because her behaviour is upsetting the other children and we don’t want a child in Florence’s situation at our school”. That’s probably the hardest pill to swallow and I’ll never forget it.
In my eyes the only way that stigma is going to be completely reduced and disappear in society is if mental illness and physical illness are treated equally that’s my belief and I hope in my lifetime I see that happen.
Since you were first diagnosed how has mental health or mental illness changed in society?
There has been a positive change how mental health and mental illness is looked at in society since my mental breakdown but there is so many more steps that need to be made. I think one of the things that society needs to be careful on is that because the conversations have become more open and because mental illness terminology is not frowned upon as much as it used to be, people are more open about talking about it I personally believe that that terminology is used too flippantly.
Often, I hear people saying they’re little depressed or I’ve had a little panic attack or I’m really OCD about my house; those conditions are serious conditions, I deal with them myself. OCD isn’t just about cleaning it is so much more than that.
I think it is great that the conversations surrounding mental health are opening and people are talking about mental illnesses, but it is vital that the correct terminology is used, and that mental illness labels and words aren’t used lightly and in the wrong context because they are crippling conditions that are so hard to deal with. You wouldn’t just use for example a physical illness diagnosis lightly so the same principles should be in place surrounding mental illness.
What do you do day to day or week to week to manage your symptoms and mental wellbeing?
I have my four key things that I use on the good days, the bad days and the tough times they are exercise, the great outdoors, my animals and talking. It’s what I call my mental illness toolkit and I know it will be with me on my life long mental health journey.
Those things are great, and they are my saviours, but those things don’t make my OCD disappear they don’t have a magic cure for my PTSD or my panic attacks. I can’t just go for a walk and everything is going to be amazing. My depressive thoughts can come at any point and if I go and do one of these things, see my horse for example yes it makes a huge difference, but it doesn’t make those mental illnesses go away.
What lessons have you learned from your mental illness experience?
I’ve learned many things from my mental illness experience, I’m sure I will continue to learn things through what I now know is a lifelong mental illness journey.
I would say there are key things for me that I’ve really learned and taken from this experience. In my eyes you can either take things keep them as a negative or turn things into a positive. I’m a big believer in turning all the bad things into a positive or a lesson.
My mental illnesses have given me the belief that I’m so much stronger than I think I am, that someone can look the happiest person, but they could be crumbling on the inside. It’s given me the character to never judge what you see and to always be kind. It’s made me be super resilient and how to get through the darkest times and having the ability to do that has taught me that it is so important to have the right people by your side and surround yourself with people who fill your cup up not empty your cup in an instant.
One of the lessons that I’ve learnt from my mental illnesses is to always keep fighting no matter what.
What is special about MQ?
To me the reason why I’m MQ is so special is because they are the leading mental health research charity and I know from my own personal experience how vital, and life changing research is.
Mental health research will help generations to come and hopefully one day we will have a cure surrounding mental illness, wouldn’t that be incredible?
Our thanks to Flo for sharing her story, highlighting just why research matters for mental health and why the work MQ Mental Health Research does must continue.
