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“Surrender.”
This mantra is a constant refrain in my head during my final weekend of yoga teacher training. It’s both a reminder and a promise, and it comes in especially handy as I prepare to co-teach my first public class. I am a bundle of nerves and, at the same time, have never been calmer. I feel prepared and like everything keeps falling out of my head. I surrender.
This may be the final weekend of training, but it feels like the beginning of something else. What that is, I’m not quite sure—but I’m excited, and equipped, to find out.
10 Thoughts I Had During My Final Weekend of YTT
The end of YTT will come with room for new thoughts. These are the last of my training-centered ponderings.
1. Welp, I made it.
It’s honestly all kinds of anticlimactic. We’re all exhausted and hyper-focused on teaching our classes. We are already nostalgic for the experience and thrilled to have our weekends back. We are like flowers blooming with spring after a long winter quietly building our blooms.
2. I’m excited to practice elsewhere.
My YTT is associated with a specific studio, which means that is the studio I’ve been practicing at exclusively for six months. This is great because it’s created a holistic experience and a space that feels like home. But as it’s a hot yoga studio and I prefer a non-heated class, I am so, so excited to take my practice outside of the container—and to a far less sweaty room.
3. Still, I’ll miss this team.
I didn’t play team sports growing up (unless you count my single season of rec basketball in third grade), so my experience of teams is limited. Instead, as a theater kid, I understand the camaraderie and trust that develops in a cast. Our cohort took on both shapes. As things wrap up, “team” starts to feel the most fitting, which is a surprise given that I considered this to be a deeply personal, individual journey.
4. Yoga continues to elude me.
I understand why teachers never stop training. I am not emerging from this YTT as an expert. I still fumble through certain poses and transitions, get confused by my own body and anatomy, struggle to recall Sanskrit names, and need refreshers around philosophical principles.
Instead of a training that can be completed, I’ve taken to thinking of this 200-hour YTT as the beginning of a lifelong education—one that can take on an endless number of forms.
5. Music matters.
I never paid that much attention to the soundtrack of yoga classes I attended. This is no longer true. After dissecting the format of a yoga class, the accompanying music has become such an integral element of the experience. I need an arc. I need a narrative. I need a mix of spiritual and funk and lo-fi, but nothing too clubby or gym-inspired. Creating the perfect yoga class playlist is an art form, one that I will be respecting in the future (even if I keep my opinions to myself).
6. No one notices anything. This is a good thing.
As our cohort moves through our public classes, it becomes clear that any missteps—missed cues, short holds, long holds, same sides—are really only noticed by the teachers themselves. If students do notice, they have enough grace to keep it to themselves.
7. Hey, I can touch my toes!
My lack of natural flexibility has seriously humbled me throughout these past months of teacher training. Rather than blending into the back row of a yoga class, teacher training put my non-stretchiness on full display, causing me to feel a specific sort of embarrassment that I haven’t experienced since fifth grade P.E.
Stepping into the boundaries of my body, accepting them, laughing through them, and acknowledging when a certain pose just isn’t going to happen for me has been incredibly liberating. Another silver lining? All of this consistent practice has brought my hands closer to the floor, allowed by knees to bend a bit less, and made flowing through class even more fun.
8. Teaching came more naturally than I expected!
The prospect of guiding my first-ever group through an opening meditation, floor poses, and a series of standing poses—my portion of a shared public class—has caused me anxiety for the past month. This is probably a good thing, as it made me practice and recite and take it all seriously. But when the moment came, it felt slightly nervewracking but incredibly natural. I recognized faces in this class. Eyes were closed. The (very important) music was a comforting friend. And, strangely enough, I sort of knew what I was doing.
When my section ends, I felt proud and relieved, as if I’ve just reached the summit of a beautiful mountain after a long, long hike.
9. I wonder what these women will do.
Our group is small, but varied. No two women entered this training for the same reason, and no one path forward will apply to any of us. I, for example, don’t intend to teach, but rather use my knowledge to become a better editor—and perhaps guide some loved ones through a creative meditation or two.
Our last unit comes with conversations around future plans and suggestions to help those who want to teach get started. Some may partake in another training, teach at community centers or gyms, host classes ahead of weddings or other events, or simply gather friends for classes in the park. I look forward to watching what everyone does with this foundational knowledge.
10. I surrender.
I surrender. This is my yoga.
I surrender to what is. I surrender to the universe. I will keep trying to surrender control. I surrender to the not knowing. I surrender to the mystery. I surrender to the magic. I will continue to surrender and I let go, over and over and over, for the rest of my life.
Follow along with my YTT experience!
10 Thoughts I Had During My Sixth Weekend of Yoga Teacher Training
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10 Thoughts I Had During My Fourth Weekend of Yoga Teacher Training
10 Thoughts I Had During My Third Weekend of Yoga Teacher Training
10 Thoughts I Had During My Second Weekend of Yoga Teacher Training
10 Thoughts I Had During My First Weekend of Yoga Teacher Training
